A chapter of my life

gabrielle night

I've let myself do a quick search in the room around, looking. I studied everyone in the room though it seems worthless , everyone had their faces buried in their own paper trying to understand what the hell they were answering, no one bothered to meet my gaze ...
i was looking for HIM i restlessly looked around hoping to find him, then i realized i was already looking at him!!! but just as this thought passed trough my mind his head snapped up,probably having that feeling that someones staring at you, and for a nano second -i couldn't tear my gaze from him- his unexpected reaction made me jump and i almost drowned on those ultra dark brown eyes as if it physically melted, i snapped out of my reverie and hastily looked to the opposite side of where i could still feel his eyes.
and stupidly i looked around, guilty of my unannounced gaze but basically no one noticed -honestly i felt like the world stopped turning around me, like there was only me and him.
i looked down in my arms, blood was still flowing from the fresh cut in my wrist some of them begging to heal but left ugly scars, echoing the pain i went through having the wound and the reasons why i had it, tears welled up my eyes threatening to spill any moment. i quickly stopped the negative stuff that overflowed my mind, i was used to stopping tears i should be, i had four years to practice ...


then like a magnet i looked over to Louise my best friend, or at least she had been...
because she knew.... she knew .....
she knew i loved him, knew that he was -and still is everything to me- knew and still knows..

and what hurts the most..... is that
...that he was never mine to keep..
..never mine to love and most importantly...
..not for me to decide who or he loved...
..........it had never been us anyway, 'and it never will' a faint whisper echoed to my mind

'...no......No.....NO!' i forbid myself to think about it.....

...but... i looked at Louise one more time,
she had straight light brown hair, she was slim, famous, pretty... in short the perfect girl

...me? i had frizzy curly ugly dark brown hair, i was chubby and abnormally tall, i had duck feet which both are left -i could walk in a smooth straight walkway and still trip- oh, did i mention i was just the shadow of Louise just something to high light what i will never be... what she is so much better than me..

class has ended. i finally got to the topmost part of our school. blade in hand, tears finally falling falling freely to say how hurt I am when i couldn't put it in to word...
a strong wind blew my already ruffled hair into my face ..
i smiled, the wind, of whom i run to when i couldn't handle it anymore, i let it all drift with the wind...... away so strong it blows i dried of the last tears in my cheeks and looked at the blood now mixing with my fallen tears......
with one last look i turned around, and made my way back home......

...........








-END-