I am broken inside......

Felicia Fong

Well, I am from Malaysia. I moved to Singapore just to get my education. At first, I did not agree with my parents on going to Singapore. However,I finally agreed when my parents said that if I go to Singapore, I will get higher chances to get into a good university(Ya, I am quite young then). Now, I really really regretted coming here.
On my first day of school in Singapore, I felt very lonely. Nobody talks to me. I guess that they don't really want to talk to an international student. But, there is only one guy. Well, ok ok, a VERY cute guy talked to me. He was the first to talk to me although I am an international student. Since that day, my friends increased because of him. He introduced all his friends to me. Life starts to get better because of him.
Every morning, he will call me to say that he will pick me up from my house because he was worried that I might get lost here. We will go to school together. In the afternoon after school, he will wait for me. No matter how long I have to stay back for my additional tuition in school or my CCA, he will wait for me. Usually, my additional tuition or CCA lasts for a few hours. However I wasn't scared that I have to go back home alone. I have him.
After a few months I get to know him, I realized that I have fallen in love with him. I cannot live without seeing him even for a day. During class, I keep thinking of him. During recess, I will think of a way to talk to him or even just walk pass him. Although I was aware that I liked him, I never expressed my feelings towards him. I was very scared that if I tell him, I might never be able to talk to him or see him again.
My "hidden love" plan went quite well until one day, my school organized a camp for the whole school. When I got to know about it, I was so happy because I am in the same team with him. Little did I know that this was the starting point of my sadness......
It was a 2 day 1 night camp. So, we all have to bring our own camp needs. As usual, he picked me up from my house that day. I was quite excited because I get to spend the night with him( Actually, it is that the same team gets a room to them self, but girls and boys sleep separately). That day, I followed him wherever he went. That was the happiest day in my life, so far. That night, he sneaked to my bed just to talk to me. I felt like the most fortunate girl in the world that night, because I got to talk to /see him for the whole night.
Second day, we were all required to run around the school with our sport leaders. Not so lucky, I sprained my ankle. Well you might think that I have gone nuts because I actually felt happy that I sprained my ankle. He helped me the whole way back home. That's why I am happy. But he told me something that really broke my heart.
He told me:" You know F from *** class?"
I said:"Ya, why? She is my best friend."
" How do you find her?"he asked.
" Well, she is very beautiful and she is very kind. A lot of guy is going after her. Why are you asking my so much about her?"
His reply really hurt my heart. " I am going after her!! She is very good towards me. I want to try my best to grab her heart!" After hearing what he said, I almost burst into tears. After what he told me, I kept quiet throughout the whole journey.
Since that day, I became very quiet. I don't really speak to my friends. Sometimes during recess, I will sit at a corner and stare in to space. I feared seeing him, I don't know what to do when I see him. So, since that day, I never look for him again.
One day, F came to talk to me. She told me about him. She told me about the time that she spent with him. She went to a lot of places with him, places that I never went with him. She even told me that every morning, he will pick her up. She also told me that he waited for her after school, like what he used to do to me. No wonder, I never see him in front of my house gate every morning, in front of the school gate every since the camp. He has been with her all along. The last thing she told me before she left really breaks my heart into pieces. " I am going to agree to be his girlfriend. I have confidence that I will love him FOREVER!" she said.
Now, every night, I will sit on my bed, thinking of the time I have been with him. I really wish that I told him about my feelings towards him. If I have done that, I won't have to be so heart broken now......

Readers: If you have any questions, feel free to e-mail me. My email address is: yeoh_cbl@yahoo.com. I can even tell you about updates about me and him. Whether I have started to talk to him or not, or even my feelings towards him now.