Wish he'd not love me

Amazobabe

While in my high school;i met this guy.It all started with teasing each other and then we became best of friends.School ended and we went to different colleges.It was then that i realized that i had already fallen for him. And then when that first love craze began. We met at various school get together n every time i met him,i knew i was getting mad for him.We used to talk over phone. I was his best buddy so we shared everything. and one day i told him i loved him.I expected he also felt the same for me but then it was not.I was heartbroken.Never felt like that in my life.We still kept in touch but obviously it wasn't the same way we talked.Sometimes though i felt he loved me but this time i didn't want to take any risks with my feelings.:P.After a few months he said me he loved me.It was like a dream come true.We went for our first date and then going for dates and talking over phone continued.
I was happy that finally i got my love but things were a bit clumsy.I always felt him avoiding me.We kissed,we hugged but then there was something missing.He never looked into my eyes.I did not want to know that he didn't love me so i continued convincing myself things will get alright.Four years of engineering passed this way and so did our relationship. I tried to do everything to make him feel special but feelings were rarely response.sometimes even forcefully.Finally he got through the exam too reach his dream college.That day i was really happy for him.i went all the way to his place to meet him and congratulate him.The journey was the longest.How badly i wanted to meet him,kiss him.But the moment i reached there to meet him,he greeted me coldly asking me the reason i came. I was shocked,sad,betrayed,shattered. The guy for whom i could even die,couldn't even afford time to meet him.I came home alone.Though we had come in the same train,we were in different bogies. His friends were with him and he felt embarrassed in my presence. It ended that very day.
I moved on. Met another guy who cared for me. He helped me get over my past and one day he proposed to me. I didn't know what i felt for this man but i didn't want to lose him.We were together.He told me how madly he was in love with me for the past 4 years of college but couldn't say me because he knew i was with someone.We had awesome time together.He taught me to enjoy life and live simply the way i am. But glitches of the past never finished. After some days he turned up saying he realized he was wrong and wants me to come back. He said me he loves me and would never hurt me again. I saw him crying for me for the 1st time in life. I badly wanted to go back but there was another man who i had promised to be with forever. I never went back though he still keeps waiting for me. He mails me everyday that he loves me.I read his mails many times but cant go back. My present boyfriend loves me a lot,understands me and treats me like a princess.But i cant forget my 1st love.I wish he'd not come back.I wish he'd not love me.......