Scard for life
ashley
13 Jan, 2010 07:17 PMIt all began 7 yrs ago when I met my ex boyfriend... dated him for 6 long years... until he broke off with me 2 days b4 he got married... it wasn't bad enough he had knocked me up and raped me when he was drunk ( i was only 17)but I had to get an abortion but also getting married to someone else whom I had no idea about..for 2 yrs I remained single..I felt like I could never love anyone again until I met the most amazing guy in my life... and taught me a diff way of loving and caring .. theres not a day where he doesnt see me or does anything to bring a smile on my face..Everything he does is for me just to see a smile on my face... but what does it do good when you feel like you don't deserve it after being treated like crap from someone for 6 yrs being abused and tortured physically and mentally for 6 years... and then all this amazing thing happens..and still its even worse coz u feel soooo insecure and you think your not worth getting all this for..I dont have many friends I grew up with a strict household I wasnt allowed to go out and do other stuff most girls wud do at my age..I guess my ex took advantage of the fact that i could not be around as much so decided to play around as much as he could , lie to me , abuse me whenever he could cheat me on and not tell me about it and sometimes tell me about it if he was drunk.. and now it hurts me to leave the guy of my dreams because I make his life hell.. what my ex has done to me has scared me for my entire life.Iv become possessive,jealous,insecure when I was never these things before.Im always scared about him leaving me after what happend to me and I try and try but I just cant seem to let go off my past Its been almost 4 years and yet I have lost the faith in men ,even if I m with the right person now.. whome Im deciding to let go very soon because hes tooo amazing to be taken all this from me..I m not stable whatsoever and he has no reason to put up with me but still I cant just seem to get a hold of my life and I'm soo confused... I have let him go today... I cant do this to him anymore.no girl would probably be as lucky as me to find someone who is faithful, committed, wants to be around you all the time includes you with his guy friends buy presents for u all the time, takes you for dinner every night surprises you with gifts every other time but.. he doesn't deserve this.. Im mentally unstable and I cant offer him much.. which is why i'm more devastated now.. people say forget the past move on.. and even if you have.. there's always a part of your past that sticks to you always and even if you hate and regret the stuff u did.. every time it comes to u it still hits u really hard.. n leaves a permanent scar that wont ever die off..I dont know if ill ever be able to be myself again.. but I hope.. if im ever lucky . that I marry this guy whose been the world to me.. and hes avaible by the time I complelty change myself and learn to live life the way I used to and get back on my feet again... i have no job no money and have to depend on my family for everything and they hardly give me 20 dollors a month and even for that Id have to beg them...I want my life back.... im losing it.. I have no idea how much more Id be able to take this... everything seems dark and cloudy now....everyday before I go to sleep I pray I dont see the sunshine the next morning.. and I want that feeling to go away...
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Comments
Post a Comment16 Jan, 2010 07:53 AM
Hey. Ok. Obviously u cnt over come ur past tht soon. Bt Dnt say bye to the good guy. Once u break up with him, neither of u wil ever live hapily.Dnt b mean. Havent u thought tht wotz gonna to him? Whats his fault, jus tel him everythng in order to live hapy.
17 Jan, 2010 10:37 PM
Hello Ashley,
If I would have been anywhere nearby you I would have just met you and give a tight slap so hard that your nose would start bleeding. What the hell in the world makes you pray that you would not like to see the sunshine next day? How dare you. Do you think it?s all that easy? How selfish, mean and disgusting you are trying to be. You are not that type of girl for sure and you should not act like one. Have you ever thought how a guy would feel if he sees your dead body. How can you only think of yourself? Now listen to me, though I am no one who can order you or say you something, but still, yesterday I just had a break-up with my girlfriend. She is the same stupid kind of girl that you are being. She had some past and therefore she just wanted to leave me and say I am a nice guy. The hell no one is nice here. They love you just because they want something in return. That is happiness which they want in return and if you cannot give him even that then you are disgusting. Who said you don?t deserve happiness. What happened in the last 6 years was your sadness phase. Now the ALMIGHTY LORD wants to show you the happiness phase of your life and you want to leave it. Are you dumb? Seriously do all the girls in the world are emotional fools as well as they have their brain in their knees r what? You just need to go and take a pic of your ex and just go to the bathroom. I am telling you the steps to relieve your mind and to forget your past. Just take a photo of your ex if you have any into the bathroom. Take a lighter along with you. Burn the photo and flush it out and feel that you are flushing him out of your life and even from your mind. Once you do this, you will feel happy. Next step you need to take is, take your hand and keep it on your heart. Now say ?allll is well darling?. This will give your small little heart strength that is awesome and enormous. Just try it and go to your present and you feel much happier that you can think off. One more thing, if you want to earn something then let me know and maybe I will be of some help to you. If you want to contact me then you can do so my email address is killercomputer@yahoo.com
And for skype its lovers_guide@skype.com
I will be waiting for your reply. And always remember you are worth it. The whole world is just for you and you just need to figure it out.
Bye4now
HIDAYAKUMULLAH
10 Apr, 2010 10:08 PM
ok, hello.
i know you think you arent being selfish, but you really are, i mean is you two ending what HE wanted? if he really loved you as much as it seemed, he would take you on your good AND bad days,weeks,months,years, whatever amount of time. he LOVED you so much, he's not that same guy who hurt you,abused you, and cheated on you. he's the one who loved you, cherished you, and didnt want you to let go. you probably made him just as sad as you, do you really want that? do you want him(or even others) to suffer with you..or even because of you? i know your world is surrounded by pain and all your eyes see are people who will hurt, but thats just a mask that YOU, yourself has made for them. you have to break those masks and see the real them. i know how you feel, i have the same "safety net", i break away from people before they get the chance to "hurt me", but my friends jacob(whom i have a huge crush on >.< [man i hope he doesnt read this..]) is helping me get past it. and im sure your love wouldv'e to, you just have to give him a chance.
i'm not saying this to be mean, or offencive.
27 Jun, 2011 01:28 AM
i totaly understand yuh i mean i went threw the same thing just that he wuznt my ex boyfriend yeahh he wuz my cuzin and i wuz 3 when dat happend...i told my parents serval of times buhh dey didnt believe eht...buhh yeahh one day they saw what he wuz doinq to me im only 15 ryte now and i get flashbackz and remember and i cry i no longer have contact with him bcuz if i evan see him i get panic attaks..my life ez pretty mest up when ever enyone touches me weather itz in accident or not i freak out buhh can yuh believe eht im scard for life with this feelinq yeahh i tried takinq advise from my fam dey would always say ferget and fer give buhh ill never fer give thee guy dat did harm too me..